Is any one out there? ...and Baby Clothes

Since I have had one comment on this entire blog since, oh, last year sometime, I often wonder if anyone is reading at all. Not that it matters, because heck, if you are reading, then there is the potential hazard of you actually knowing me. So anyway, I guess I am wondering if I have an audience, or this is just an online journal? What difference does it make, not much. Nothing would change. I aspire to write to the masses, truly. Maybe you could leave a comment.....

Now on to the purge topic of the day. Baby clothes. I am pregnant. I believe myself to be pregnant with a girl. The ultrasound was pretty convincing, and I am puffing up like a marshmallow like I did with my first girl. Girls make me swell and boys make my heart do funky stuff. I fully believe it to be hormones. To continue, this is baby number five. I'm also convinced that it is the LAST baby. Why? Well, five kids in seven years is rather draining. I'm done. Really. (I know, you watch, in two years I will be knocked up again. Yes, I've eaten words before and I'm sure it will happen again) So I'm having a girl. I have loads and loads of boy clothes from having three boys in a row. The youngest being only 17 months old right now. I am a saver of clothes because until recently, I have never possesed the ambition or talent for shopping. It is not one of my strong suits and often my wardrobe needs have been filled by someone else who DOES like to shop. I save all the baby clothes. Well, I did until a few months ago. When my last little boy outgrew his itty bitty clothes, I went through them and actually gave some away. I kept only the clothes I loved. All the little outfits and ugly things that people had given to me, I passed on to the next person to love. I did not love them. Notice I didn't say ALL the baby clothes, just the ones I didn't LOVE. I still have a few bins full of baby clothes, that I LOVE. This presents a problem, because I am not moving something I don't need. I do not plan on needing all these little boy clothes, but I LOVE them. I need to pass them on, sell them, something, because I need girl clothes now. I tried saving my first daughter's things, but she is 7 now. And we've moved a few times, and everytime we do, a few more things go. And even if I had saved everything, it's all in the wrong season. And heck, it may not even fit this little girl like it did my first! We have two very different body types in our family.

Well, thanks for listening. I've talked myself through it and I'm ready to send a few more away. I still will be toting little boy clothes around for a little bit, but maybe not as many. But oh to hold an outfit in your hands and remember how small and squirmy they used to be. What a piece of nostalgia. It never lasts.

Misery Loves Company

Just....Monday.

Today is Monday. It feels like a monday. I can't put my finger on it, but it feels mondayish to me. I want to clean the kitchen and bake a cake. I want chocolate in the worst way, but the only form of chocolate in the house is a cake mix. I polished off the cooked pudding on Saturday night. I ate that while I listed stuff on ebay.

Selling stuff on Ebay has become a form of entertainment to me. It really is fun. I love watching my stuff get bids. I stalk my listings at the end to see if there is some last minute bidding war going on. I think it's great. And I love watching the total of what everything is selling for go up. It makes me giddy with anticipation. Right now I have some unopened bottles of gesso on, and there are three people watching it. It cracks me up. It is the only auction I have up with more than one watcher. And it's gesso for pete's sake. Glad I didn't pitch that on my way through the art supplies box! So on Saturday night, my new entertainment is Ebay.

I really need to get my spare room in order. I want to sew diapers in a very bad way, but I can't for all the mess in there. It is rather annoying. I don't know where to start with clearing a space or if I should clear a space at all. Because I"m almost positive that the minute I get in the middle of a project, I won't get to finish because I'll be moving. It's just darn pathetic of me. My sewing stuff is also all in boxes because I keep telling myself I don't have time to sew. It is sad. I have wonderful fabulous ideas floating around in my head and I can't put them into fabric. Oh the angst!

Well I am off to tidy my kitchen and bake a cake. I will have more progress tomorrow because Grandma is coming to take the kids away. YIpeeee!

Progress Report

I spent about 4 hours out in the shed again today. I had one kid home and three at Grandma's house. I pitched 4 bags of trash, sent a large box, a medium box and a bag to Goodwill. Whee! Go me!

I also started an Ebay pile, but I'm not sure I want to do it. I got a scale, so I won't loose my shirt to shipping. I don't know if it is worth the hassle of listing everything. It's all odds and ends, but collectibles as well. Then there are the fees for listing. And the packaging. I just wonder if it is worth it. It's worth a try.

Then there is the stuff that is too big to sell on Ebay, the stuff that would be a pain in the rear to send. Like the skis. And a portable dishwasher, and a drafting table. Do I have a yard sale? Do I post them on craigslist? I don't like having to think about getting rid of stuff. That is the number one reason why I did not want to have another yard sale. It's hard to watch people go through your stuff. It's hard to have to let it go again. I like Goodwill drops for this very reason. Once I have decided it is leaving, there is no hesitation. It goes. There is no second chance, it is gone. There is the occasional pang of guilt and grief that eventually I reason myself out of. How can I justify keeping everything? I can't! It's amazing how much stuff I have, that I was never able to keep up with, that never found a home in my home. I don't like thinking about where it all has to go, I just want it gone so I don't have to go over it again and again in my head. What have I done? How can I abandon all these things? Oh the guilt of it! But they are just things. JUST THINGS. They have no heart, they have no feelings and there are millions more just like them.

Now as for the art work I have created in years past, well that is different. I think I am going to have to address that sooner or later. I am postponing the inevitable for now though, distracting myself with inanimate objects with no life of their own. Art is different. Art was created and in a way nurtured. Art is a form of cataloging my life. Aye. I have a lot left out there.

Big News! More junk!

Today has been a hot day. Two of the four kids went to Grandma's house. I kept two by me, I felt like maybe they needed a break from the foster kids.

So out to the shed we went. Three bags of trash and one big box for Goodwill are gone. And a paper bag for some shredding to do later. Ugh. I have about three bags of stuff that needs to be shredded. I have been making progress though. Oodles of progress. I can actually move around in the space now. And if I plan it right, I won't need too many cardboard moving boxes. Why? Well, the rubbermaid bins are emptying out quite nicely. It would make things very easy to be able to stack everything into those. They haul a lot easier.

There were no big revelations today as I sat and sorted papers. Other than "Don't let other people pack your basement." I unpacked a box that was packed 4 years ago by someone else in my previous basement. 3/4 of went directly to the trash. Amazing. Why did we move it here? Because it was thrown in a box. I must say though, my definition of trash has greatly increased in the last few months. I have really began to see what is of true worth to me. Knowing I only have so much space to pack us all into has helped me make decision much more easily.

The big news. Well, we thought we were moving east. Now we have done a 180 degree turn. We are moving west. I am excited and nervous about this prospect, but at least I am not having anxiety about it anymore. I have always like the west, and always wanted to live there. After having kids, the perspective changed a lot. I thought I needed to be by family. I'm not sure where this came from. We live in such a small world these days. I can talk to my family every single day if I so choose. It's not like a hundred years ago when the extent of long distance communication consisted of letters spaced months apart. Travel is also more affordable and accomodating. We live in a different era. Thank goodness! We are moving west. Husband has started sending out his resume to different companies, and the minute he secures a job, he is coming home for a week, helping me pack and away we go. No more angst about selling the house, whatever happens, will happen. This decision is ours. We are going where we want to be, not where other people are.

On one hand I feel selfish, but on the other, well, how much of my own self am I going to lose before I start being the person I was meant to be?

Junk!

Well today we are back to the good ol' fashioned junk. Of the physical nature. Today Grandma (my MIL) took the kids for the day. So what did I do? I headed out to the studio after treating myself to McDonald's breakfast. And I put in a good 4 hours worth of work which resulted in 3 bags of miscellaneous stuff to Goodwill, 1 bag of shirts to Grandma for the barn and one bag of trash. Yipee! That's 5 less bags of crap that I will have to move. I'm excited.

Among some of the things that took a trip down the road were some clothes. There was a hanging storage wardrobe that had a few dresses and jackets in it. It was interesting to look at the dresses. All of them were given to me by two people. My mother and my mother-in-law. It was rather amusing to really look at these dresses and realize I didn't really like them much. Why? Well, for starters I didn't even pick them out. They were all gifts. Second, they were basically dresses that these two women would wear if they wore my size. It was a revelation of sorts. I have been walking in the dresses of dreams of my mother(and in-law). So did I keep the dresses? NOPE. Away they went. Now, granted, they are nice dresses. Well made, somewhat of a classic look to them. But they are not MY style. I haven't found my style yet, but I do know what it isn't. And it isn't polyester power skirt suits. And it isn't corduroy with pleated bell skirts and straight waists. Nosiree. I like a flowing skirt. I like lighter colors. And perhaps a scoop neck. Yes, that is what I like. I did keep some skirts because I am going to need some nursing (i.e. breastfeeding) friendly church attire in a few months.

That was my revelation today. Please, ladies and gentlemen, do yourselves the favor of picking out your own wardrobe. Don't feel guilt for not liking something you didn't pick out. You need to know who you are, and shopping for your own clothes is a way of doing that. My favorite clothes are the few I have actually bought for myself, by myself. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you are comfortable in your own skin. It is amazing how collected you will feel when you are wearing clothes that you like. You can't pretend, because you dressed yourself. It is so very liberating when you are not living someone else's vision of who you are.

Give yourself permission to be yourself.

Mwah!

Am I selfish? Am I prideful?

I know this is supposed to be a blog about decluttering. Let's face it though, every clutter issue has a mental issue attached to it. There is something in our minds that affects why we find the need to collect, not let go, and not pick up our stuff and send it on it's way.

Lately I have been wondering if I am selfish. And prideful. Why? Well, selfish. Let's start there. I have been accused on more than one occasion by people totally unrelated of being selfish. Yes, me, selfish. The idea at the time was preposterous. I was accused of being selfish because, on one occasion, the person had lent me their car for a day so I wouldn't need a ride to work. Then they expected me to somehow return the favor. I was broke, had no means to feed myself other than a credit card and had to walk everywhere. I was stumped. What could I do? I thought that they were just being nice and did not expect anything in return. Boy was I wrong! But they never actually said that they wanted something in return. So was that selfish? To think that they were just being nice, because they could? On another occasion I was accused of being selfish when I decided to not go to a family member's wedding. I was 1200 miles away, freshly pregnant (i.e. trying not to puke all day) and my husband could not get time off from work because it was a busy time of year. Like he was working 60 hours a week and if he took 5 days off (minimum time to drive there, attend said wedding, and drive back) he probably would have been replaced. I also had three kids 5 and under. Driving two days with three little kids to go to a big party for a day and then driving 2 days back all the while trying not to throw up does not sound like a walk in the park. It sounds like cruel and unusual punishment. Was I selfish to say, I just can't do it? I mean, yah, I know you only get married once, but hey, you didn't even come to my ceremony and didn't have half the 'excuses' I did. So I got chewed out about that decision. And accused of being selfish.

Everytime I ask my husband if I am selfish, his response is always the same. "Selfish people don't have more than two kids." But I don't find this statement entirely true. Having kids gets me out of a lot of stuff I don't really want to do. Like go to weddings. So perhaps, I am a little selfish. Because I like being a mom, I like the life I have because of the kids. I like that I don't have to get up at a set time every morning per se, and "go" to a job. Heck, I like my job here at home. It's very flexible and keeps me quite occupied. So, am I selfish because I had kids so I could do what I want to do all day everyday? I think I might be.

Now on to the prideful question. Right now, we are between a rock and a hard place. I am 6 months pregnant, have 4 kids, and my husband is working 1200 miles away. He has a great job there and makes a decent wage. I love that. He is very concerned about me having to be here by myself when baby comes if the house doesn't sell. He makes decent money, but not enough to support a second mortgage or renting a place. And besides that, we can't find anyone who wants to rent to us. Unless we want to live in the ghetto. Or a crack house. Because nice places like to stay nice and when you say you have a herd of children, they run the other way. Why? Because kids get a bad rap these days because they can be disrespectful to other people things. Like houses. I'd like to think that my kids are decent, and that this wouldn't be a problem, but I'm sure every landlord has had a bad experience with someone who has oodles of kids and no rules and a lawless household. Heck, we rented our house to a friend who had four kids and they did just that. Trashed our house. I can see why no one wants to rent to us. They don't know us. They just see oodles of little people and oodles of potential damage. Anyway, back to the pride question. A generous bystander of our situation has offered to cover our mortgage so that we could afford to rent a place, and be all together. We have refused. Why? Well, we don't want to feel beholden to them. We don't want to feel like we owe them something. We don't know at what price this offer comes. We don't want help. Then there is a childcare issue. I am by myself right now with a house full of children with needs. And my belly is getting bigger by the day. There is no such thing as "alone time" or "privacy" or "a break". It is physically and mentally and emotionally draining. I think I'm coping okay. There is one person who shall remain nameless, who is more than happy to come and take the kids for the day. The whole day. She comes early in the morning, and then I go pick them up around 5 pm. It is a nice respite in the midst of this scenerio I am playing out. The only catch is, that when I pick up my kids I hear all sorts of neat stories about their day. And I wonder what the long term effects on their behavior will be. These breaks happen about once a week, sometimes twice. I often use the time to do projects around the house that I normally cannot do. Like paint the bathroom or go out to the shed and sort through boxes for hours on end. These are not things I can concentrate on with my herd under foot. These are things that need to be done in order to move.

Am I prideful to think that I don't want my kids going to visit this person? They are afterall, helping me immensely by giving me the time I need to get caught up on things. They are giving me quiet time to regroup. Is it prideful to refuse help that can sometimes be backhanded and come back to bite you later in different forms? Or even just the fear of that happening prevent you from doing it? Is is selfish of me to not want my kids exposed to that? Just throwing it out there. I don't have anyone to vent at today. I needed to get this off my chest.

Goodmama's

That's right. GoodMama's. If you've never heard of them, go to www.thegoodmama.com and you will see what I am talking about. Today's discussion is in a very roundabout way about clutter. It is rather more about collectivism. The act of having for having's sake. Bear with me, I will get to my point about the Goodmama's eventually. You need a little back story with this.

Goodmama's are cloth diapers. If you haven't heard, in recent years, cloth diapers have come "en vogue" in a way. Many improvements have been made in fabrics and fasteners used to make cloth diapers. They are no longer a flat piece of fabric pinned on and covered with rubber pants. Improvements have been made on the ol' toilet bowl swish as well. No more dunk and accidental flush anymore folks. Oh no, not in the slightest. There are now oodles of work-at-home-moms who craft diapers, often on custom orders. There are dozens of different styles. There are all-in-ones (AIO's) and pre-fitteds and fitteds and pockets. And that is just touching the surface. Oh it is enough to drive a person insane with all the options! It is frighteningly addictive at the same time. Ask me how I know.

Now I am not a cloth diaper fanatic in the slightest compared to some mothers I know. I use cloth, and I love it. I have a very basic "stash" as you will as I have mainly flats that I secure with a snappi and cover with a sandwiched PUL cover, or fold and use in a pocket style cover. I have cheapo gerber I-wanna-be-a-prefold-when-I-grow-up diapers that I use as doublers for at night or extended car rides, etc. when I need extra absorbancy. I cloth diaper mostly for financial reasons. At least that is why I started. Upon the birth of my fourth child, I thought I didn't want to do it anymore, and started to look around for a place to sell some of my stash. When I bought some AIO's awhile ago, I bought them on the pretense that I would be able to recoup some of my money by selling them on Ebay. Ebay now has a policy that prohibits the selling of used diapers. They have a point on one hand, but I would say thousands, nay maybe tens of thousands of mama's disagree. Ebay was for a long time the place to expand your stash, get a used dipe to see if the fit worked for your child before plopping down a couple hundred on a complete system of brand new dipes, etc. Then Ebay stopped all that. Mama's found different places to carry on. Most cloth diaperers do it to save money, or the environment or the just plain ol' these diapers are toooo cute to pass up excuse. (YES! I have heard and seen this reasoning! And I'm starting to buy into it myself.....) To get to my point, forums for cloth diapering began to explode in the FSOT (For Sale Or Trade) end of things. Now granted, there are a few forums that have been around for quite some time and were well established before Ebay came out with their policy. What I'm saying is that the cloth diaper industry was not quashed by this action. It just got bigger.

So I went to Ebay looking to sell my cloth, found out I couldn't. Found a forum that I could. But it required me to post 100 times before I could post anything for sale. Oh my. I thought I'd never make it to that 100 posts, but I did. And I never posted anything for sale. I was hooked! I found people of like mindedness that had an appreciation for the same things in life as myself. I found a support system that encouraged me to continue on in my cloth diapering endeavors. Nay, I had a changed heart about the very items I was looking to sell! I was feeling the love again! And then I spent more money on some better diapers. And I got myself a diaper sprayer. And I love it! I use cloth now because I LIKE to, not because I must, because I do not want to spend precious grocery money on paper diapers. No no. I like cloth diapers. And I swear my baby does too.

So this brings us to the Goodmama's. Goodmama's are diapers of exceptional quality. They are made of organic fabrics that have been raised and milled on US soil, put together by women who are compensated fairly. These diapers are not made in a foreign land by cheapo exported fabric. The price tag reflects this dedication to quality and fairness. For ONE diaper, that is a fitted diaper (it still needs a cover to be waterproof mind you) the retail value is $35. One diaper. Now these diapers are a one-size deal, so for the most part, they will fit a baby from 10-35+ lbs. For those of you unfamiliar with baby sizes, well that just means you can use the diapers from about 2-3 weeks old until potty training. (For the most part. Unless you have ginormous kids like mine who hit 50 lbs before potty training, but we'll save that for another day....) So really, the diapers can be justified in this aspect. If you like a fitted diaper, this is the only size you will need. Otherwise, you buy the newborn, then the kid gets too big, so you buy the smalls. Then you sell the newborn dipes and then you have to buy mediums, because the kid grew again, etc etc, you get the picture...You end up buying 4 different stashes to accomodate one child. Well, you can hang on to them for the next kid and that helps with keeping costs down as well but then if you get girl dipes and have a boy next, usually daddy ain't to happy about seeing his junior football player running around in a flowery printed butt. Anyways, Goodmama's can be justified in a way if they last as they say they do. The other issue though is that the typical child needs AT LEAST 12 dipes. 24 is a more accurate count and 36 is a good generous figure with a three day wash routine. (Easiest on Mummy.) So you take that $35 and multiply times, let's say 24. That's $840. That's just the diapers. You still need size appropriate covers and accessories like wet bags and the diaper sprayer and doublers for night time, etc. You get the point. Lotsa money. That's retail. Now here's the part that is absolutely mind boggling to me.

If you went to Goodmama's site, there is a 99% chance that the were sold out of cloth diapers. Everything except the prefolds. All the fitteds are SOLD OUT. They cannot keep their store stocked. Why? Because. There are at least 4 forums that I know of that have threads going every single stinkin' day where women will 'stalk' the store and wait for things to be available. I'm not kidding you. Entire threads, pages long devoted to the speculation of when Suzanne (the owner and work-at-home-mom who runs this business out of her basement) will stock the store. And when she does stock up, it is sold out in a matter of minutes. Why? Because there are three types of communication. Telegraph, telephone and tell a woman. She's got the third down pat. Not through any fault of her own either. She sends out an email and kaboom, store all sold out.

The result of this fanatical shopping is that Goodmama's are in high demand. It's obvious that a LOT of mama's want them. Some want them because they have one, and they want more. Some want them because they want to know what all the hype is about, and since you can't go down to the corner store to check 'em out, you have to get one online. Another reason why? Limited Edition prints. Suzanne is a marketing genius. Well, that and she just plain ol' has great taste in fabrics and color combinations for snaps and serging. The woman can put together one heck of a diaper. But that's besides the point. Mama's want Goodmama's. So what happens? You have the "Haves" and the "Have Nots". There is another place where you can check out the Goodmama craze. Hyenacart.com. Hyena cart has a history all it's own which I am not going to get into, but it lives up to its name, that's all I"m gonna say. There is a special place on there called "Spot's Corner" where you can sell your used diapers. Used Goodmama's average about $40. That's $5 over retail. No joke. A diaper that has been peed in, probably pooped in and washed by some stranger is selling for OVER retail. That is for the 'plain jane' creamy colored with one color serged edge and snaps. Now the prints are a different story. She changes the prints often, and this creates a "need to have" frenzy. Mama's see a print they love and go bananas bidding for them. Just in the last few days, one diaper went for $310. No, I didn't add a zero. That is Three Hundred and Ten dollars. A diaper. And the bidder is for real. She has bought many overpriced diapers this week. I think her nursery must be insured in and of itself for about $10,000. She's got a lot of expensive diapers.

Now I get to my point. Back when Goodmama's where just hitting the scene, and were available, people were hesitant to put $35 on a diaper. They did anyway, and they fell in love and got more. Now that Goodmama's are all the rage, people are getting more than what they paid for a used diaper. At what point do you pay almost twice the retail value of an item, because it is available NOW and for no other reason? If you have a popular print of a Goodmama right now, you can get on average around $60 to $70 at auction. The "Haves" are really getting a bang for their buck. Heck, I think I would have a hard time hanging on to something if I knew I could get all that I paid for it and then some back, and got to use it besides! It's the "Have Nots" that tug at my heartstrings here. What would make a person so desparate to have such a luxury? They truly are luxuries, too. I can bet that not a single one of the high bidders can say that they cannot live without that diaper. Some may say, perhaps they just have a lot of money and like the diapers. This is true, but if you closely examine the situation, these diapers not only cost a lot of money, they take heaps of time to obtain. It took me about 4 hours on Monday to track one down and make the purchase. Was it worth my time? Not sure yet. It still has to come in the mail. On one site, a person was having a lottery to sell her one lonely Goodmama. She had a set price, but the "bidders" were supposed to write a short paragraph as to why THEY should get the diaper. Many people were patting her on the back, oh what a generous person! She sold the diaper for what she bought it for, but really, not without humiliating a lot of people. "Tell me your sob story and I will see if it deserves my Goodmama". Oh please! Pathetic. Sick. Wrong. And people thought her so kind and generous. Ridiculous. Maybe the tone of the thread changed, but I could only handle 2 pages of that crap. I could give her a story or two, but who's to say it's true? And why does it matter? Perhaps she was trying to make a point that everyone should have a chance to have a Goodmama, like the people who have more than one should share. How warped is that thinking? Perhaps her intent truly was good hearted, but I do not think well thought out. Of course, the people that posted their tear jerkers are just as much to blame. Slobbering over a Goodmama enough to post to the entire world some story as to why their circumstances made them the most worthy to have that Brandy-New Goodmama at retail price with out stalking the site. It's just a diaper. Your kid will poop and pee no matter what you put on or don't put on his or her hind end. I wonder if the winner of that "Lottery" will turn around and sell the thing for twice as much as they got it. I'm just saying...ya know?

Now to my point. Collectivism. It really is an addiction. What else would drive a person to sit at a computer all day refreshing one website endlessly in hopes that they will get a diaper? At some point, these diapers are not going to be worth what they are today. They will eventually lose value. There is no possible way that the person who spent $310 will recoup their 'investment'. I can think of a lot of ways you can help a lot of people with $310. And the chances of it getting pooped on are pretty slim. Collectivism drives our economy though. Sadly, this intense desire to spend money on something, sometimes anything, is what makes the buck get passed. How long is this going to last? Consumerism and a curious creature. I have not the mind right now to explain as it is after midnight, but there was an interesting article this week that boiled down to the idea that the Chinese economy was not strong because too many people save their money. The U.S. economy only works when everybody spends. This idea sparked an interest in a connection between the concept that the clutter in our homes represents a "strong" economy. We have bought and paid for a supreme dollar. We are paying for it on a regular basis though. How many hours do you spend trying to eliminate clutter? You are paying for the strong economy with your time. Now the gas prices are going up, and people can't spend money on trinkets and doodads. The clutter is not accumulating so fast, and the economy slows. Is it possible to have a strong economy not based on frivolities? I guess we could justify the stuff that fills our homes in this way. I was just supporting a strong economy.