Be careful what you wish for.

What a weekend. Monday's are always hard to me because I get spoiled all weekend and then my husband goes back to work. This weekend was a little different for us.

Friday night, as my husband and I were laying in bed, I asked him what he had planned for the next day. He said he wasn't sure. We had a wedding reception to go to in the afternoon and that was about it. I asked him if maybe he wanted to get the driveway cleaned up. There has been a few random piles out there for awhile now and it' not something I can do by myself because of kids and such. He said that was a good possibility. Then I made a request. I suggested that maybe he should try to stay off the computer for the day, and we might get something done. He agreed to it, which really made me happy.

Saturday morning comes around. After a rough night with the baby, I passed him off at 6 AM and requested at least another hour of uninterrupted sleep. Wish granted. Thank you. I come downstairs to husband eating breakfast and 4 happily playing kids. I sit down at the computer. Husband goes into the kitchen and starts unloading the dishwasher. I'm occupied checking my email. I hear dishes being put away, water running, kids laughing with each other, and then 'Honey can you come here?' Oh my! I'm being summoned by HIM! This hardly ever happens, so I get up and go see. He practically whispers to me, "If I have to stay off the computer, do you think you can too?" Oh. WOW. Um....I guess I had to, huh? I responded optimistically and went and finished up my work and turned off the computer. We never turned it on again until this morning. It was great. Sometimes during the day on Saturday we decided that the computer is going to be off EVERY weekend from now on. We actually discussed it. We sat down together, paying very close attention to one another and had a great conversation. We were forced to socialize due to the fact that neither one of us could escape to our distraction. Then we discussed the possibility of keeping the computer off during the day during the week. EEeekkkk!!! It has brought a different atmosphere into our home.

On to the war on clutter! Headlining our weekend was a trailer load of trash gone to the dump! WOO HOOO!!! It felt terrific! We worked as a family to load it up with stuff only from the driveway. Lately we had a lot of work done (siding, windows, roof) on our home and the dumpster had some overflow that never got picked up. Into the trailer it went. We had to fix a rotten wall in the shower last spring. Tiles and rotten sheetrock piled in as well. We even had a couple garbage cans (full) from when we first moved here and cleaned out the premises from the previous owners. It's about time, I'd say.

Other exciting news is happening in the kitchen. I'm testing out the less is more theory by making every have only one set of dishes. Yep. You heard me. ONE set. This started today, so we will see where it takes us. All the kids have ONE plate and ONE bowl and ONE cup. Husband and I? One plate, one bowl, one cup. How are we to do this you ask? Well, dishes get cleaned right after being used. No ifs and or buts. They gotta be taken care of. It should be interesting to see how long it takes my 2 year old to lose his cup. The "plan" is to get everyone a nice water bottle for Christmas so we don't have to be rinsing water cups all day. If we can keep this up, I think that will be the reward. And what exactly is the payoff for having so few dishes? My thought is that I will no longer be finding cups and plates under the couch, hiding in the recliner or otherwise lost to the known hiding places of this home. If you lose your dish, you cannot eat. I am still debating in my mind whether I have created more work or less. I hand washed all the dishes after dinner tonight. If I keep it up for two weeks, I'm selling the portable dishwasher. It makes the kitchen crowded and what's the use of keeping it if I can keep up with the dishes. It would also eliminate the pile of junk sitting on TOP of the dishwasher. The other point of this exercise is teaching my kids how to wash dishes.

This is all a small step though. The bigger step will be when I can actually part with the dishes I boxed up and put on the back porch. That is the true test. I can have all the intentions in the world to declutter, but nothing will come of it until I actually part from my stuff and send it somewhere where it may actually be used and appreciated more. A huge part of me wants to cling to that box. I can't actually bring myself to put it in the car and drop it off at Goodwill. I don't know if I can. What if I might need dishes for company? One of the plates was a wedding present from my sister. I don't use it, I don't need it, but it was a gift! From my sister! What kind of person gives away a wedding gift from their sister? Eegads. I am an awful person for this. This is what I am telling myself. My oldest son was rather upset also. He wanted his Superman AND Spiderman plate, cup and bowl. This make me feel like I am depriving my middle son of his Backyardigans plate, because I chose the Lightening McQueen set. Me oh my. This is emotionally trying. Can we survive with just ONE set of dishes per person? How long does that box need to clutter up the back porch before I will part with it?

The other question weighing heavily on my mind is whether or not I can handle living in a clean home. Will I feel comfortable in my own skin if it has been scrubbed clean? Am I ready to do that? Have I been living like this for so long, that I won't be able to NOT live like this? If my home is clean, then what will become of me? My purpose for so long has been to clean up everything. If I minimize and efficientize (I made that one up) my home so that I don't spend all my time cleaning, what am I going to do? There won't be anymore mess to conquer. I won't be the hero at the end of the day who saved the closet from certain destruction. I won't have a mountain of laundry to distract me for three straight days and the dishes won't take at least an hour every single day.

This is perhaps the hardest part of change for everyone. If I conquer this demon, what is next? Am I ready to grow in this direction? Oh I am frightened now. I am scared of the potential within me. If my house is clean, it means I do not have any excuses when my darling children want me to read one more book. There won't be a just cause for not going to the park. I might actually have the time to be a better mother. But do I have the courage? The prospect is rather daunting. What is holding me back? My dreams are within reach. This is all I ever wanted, and I am having thoughts of running the other way. It is wrenching. What kind of awful person looks opportunity in the eye and shrinks in cowardice? There is also another perspective. Do I deserve a clean home?

A clean home is something that good people get. Good hardworking sweet women live in clean homes. I am sometimes callous and lazy. I am scattered in my working and in my thoughts. I often feel unworthy of clutter free spaces and dust free knick knacks. That's what good people have. I am not a good person, I am a lousy friend and impatient mother. I don't even make a lunch for my husband everyday. Shame on me!

How am I to overcome myself? If I do continue to clean my home, and I do somehow manage to streamline myself into efficiency, than how am I to live with myself? What am I hiding from? What am I running from? What is in me that I must become?

I suppose this is where I need to stick to the plan. That ever simple and almost ridiculous plan. I need to pray for strength to overcome myself. I need to pray. I know that my Heavenly Father is blessing my efforts already. I know that there is a purpose in this endeavor. I know that in order to not be the slothful servant I need to finish what I start. I am beginning to wonder what I started though. I am nervous, anxious and exhilarated even to think of what lies ahead for me. Now I must plow through my insecurities and trust in the Lord. I asked for help, and get it I shall.

Be careful what you wish for.