I don't think this is going to work.

Yup - way to kill a goal before I even start, right? Happy New Year! I love the feel of a New Year and the feeling of determination that comes with every resolution. Of course I'm big on resolutions! Why wouldn't I be? I'm the kind of person who dreams big and then fizzles out. At least it's all fun and good until I fizzle, right? Well, one of my resolutions this year was to lose 50 pounds. My post baby body disgusts me at this point. I have never been disgusted with my image before. Sometimes I've been a tad disappointed about my figure, but brushed it aside with a list of excuses. Including bearing 5 children over the course of 7 years. I finally feel FAT. Not just plump, or overweight, or fluffy, but FAT. There is a full length mirror at the end of the hall in this house and it is a daily reminder of how wide my hips have become. I have haunches that don't hold up pants and bubble over into other areas of my life. This sucks. I was never supposed to get fat, ever. But here I am. FAT. And it's disgusting. My 5'11" frame is carrying around 240.5 pounds. I thought that 50 pounds would be a great improvement, and it will be. I did some perusing last night though and it looks as though I really should lose 70 pounds, which makes me feel even fatter. Fatty boom bah latty. When I graduated from highschool I was about 185. I want back there.

There are lots of methods and theories for losing weight. I could subscribe to a service, but I don't believe that will do much unless I am paying them and beating myself into submission to their stringent food and exercise plans. I can't cut back calorie wise a whole lot because I am breastfeeding. My husband says we can't give the baby skim milk, it makes everybody crabby. And I agree. My jugs need to produce the top quality cream, it means happy baby and lots of good sleep. Another theory is to just excercise the bananas out of myself. But I don't have time. Really and truly, with all these kids around, it is near impossible to exercise unless the toddler is sleeping. And there are other things which I have deemed more important than excercise during that time. Like loading the dishwasher and folding clothes. I can't do these things when he is awake because he undoes them 20 times until I give up.

I have an appointment every Sunday afternoon with my mother to check in. I have to weigh myself every morning (thank you Flylady). I need to drink 100 oz. of water everyday (thank you 6 week body makeover) and I'm writing down everything I eat (thank you Mom.) Like I said. OY.

It's 11:30 and here is everything I have eaten today:

1 glass of water
vitamins
Bowl of cheerios with vanilla soy milk
3 skittles
Toast w/ butter
Mouthful of bread dough
5 crackers
33 oz. of water
salted boiled egg
small handful of chex mix

And I'm hungry darn it. HUNGRY. And I have to eat, why? Because my baby is hungry too. OY.