I suck at this Mom thing.

Summer is here. A time for joyous freedom. I don't have to get a kid ready for school and bedtimes can fall by the wayside. It should be fun! It should be liberating! It should be relaxing. Well, it isn't. I suck at it. My kids just want to watch movies all day. And I don't really care because I want to sit at the computer all day. It really is sad and pathetic how boring I have become.

I attempted to start a chore chart. Every kid (except the baby) has a number of cards to complete, after so many cards, they get a ticket. They can spend their tickets on things like playing outside, playing up in their room or on the computer. I even threw in some library visits and a walk to the park as rewards. The problem? We did it for one day and I am exhausted. Pooped beyond belief. That evening as I lay in the recliner in aching pain, the kids rubbed my feet with lotion...for a ticket. The house was relatively picked up and the dishes were done, so it was a good thing. I was just sore (I still am and this was three days ago) and tired from it all. And I didn't even get to do my own chores!

I found the following incident to be rather telling of my situation. I made up my own chore cards and had put them aside in a place where I *thought* the baby could not reach. I needed an hour or two to make up my poster board for my cards. The cards were just sitting and waiting for me to find the time and I was busy as a bumble bee trying to keep up with the other three in showing them how to do their chores. Well, the baby could reach them. He mutilated them and lost them. Humpf, I thought. How amusing. I can't do my chores because the baby has sabotaged me. He doesn't want me doing the chores anymore than I do. Or he always has a way of intruding upon me in the middle of attempting to do them. Dishes are next to impossible unless I put him in his playpen for half an hour. He is constantly pulling on me, my clothes and whichever helper I have. Trying to get up on the stool, grab dirty or clean dishes and throw them somewhere other than where they belong. Argh!

So in conclusion, I suck at this mom thing. I don't know how I am going to manage with another one.

I'd like to say....

I'd like to say that my mountain of junk is gone.

I'd like to say that we successfully moved half way across the country and are living quite happily.

I'd like to say that my pregnancy is going wonderfully and I have increased energy and vigor.

I'd like to say that our house sold in record time and there were no complications with the sale.

I'd like to say that I get to spend more time with my husband now that he is not on call as much with his new job.

I'd like to say a lot of things. All of these statements would make me a liar though. I am pooped. My belly is growing more each day and it is wearing me out toting around a 35 pound 15month old baby in addition to the changes my body is under going. My junk, although less of it, is still looming in the background of my home and shed and garage. My husband is 1200 miles away, and really is enjoying his new job and is enjoying less time on call. He comes home for a 4 day weekend every 3 weeks, give or take. I'm tired. About a month ago, I was able to send away three pick up loads of furniture to a yard sale a friend was having. It was a relief to have it gone, but all I got out of it was $70. I think I donated a lot of stuff to one of her friends setting up an apartment. Neat.

Our house is not sold. It has been on the market for two and half months and we have not had a single showing. The market is slow here. Another couple we know had their house on the market for a week. ONE WEEK. Miracles can happen, I believe that. My faith has never wavered so much as it has this last month. I'm tired.

Summer is here, and thank goodness it isn't too hot. I think I'd go insane. Everyone keeps asking me if I need help, but I don't even know how anyone can help me. Going through every closet and drawer in your home is not so much a physical task that someone can help you with. It is a mental task that is very tiring. And one that can't be done with little hands trying to help you and other kids thinking that you cannot part with a single thing because it is fun to play with. So the only help I can really use is if someone takes the kids for the day. That is the solution in my mind, but really, I know that I cannot physically and mentally do that. Going through drawers boxes and closets day after day after day would take it's toll on me and make me a very grumpy mom. I only have a dad every three weeks to help ease the emotional toll of needy young children.

My belly is growing. A move is nowhere in sight. The clutter is still here. Pray for me.